Relationships

Question from a member: "has anyone managed a successful relationship? mine always collapse when they realise how sick I am and they never stick around. I was wondering if other fibro people have this problem?"

• I find it difficult as a 21 year old male, it's difficult to explain why sometimes I hurt and moan about something that they can't see but at the end of the day I think if somebody cares and/or loves about you then they will put up with that as everybody has these little things that makes them special and different.
• yep i do

  
  
• Thankfully for me I have a terrific husband. We were married only 8 months when I was diagnosed. BUT we have had our rough patches. Now married almost 13 yrs. Together 15. I also learned that there was no use in complaining bout my pains as his always trumped mine haha. Also noticed that others have it worse then me sometimes. We have a lot of give and take. Ours is a 50/50 relationship I'm always right and he is always wrong :) But in all seriousness we laugh a lot together because it is a great healer :)
• We got ill together, and are still together. The relationship is necessarily different, you see bits of each other you'd rather not sometimes, but the love is the same. I know a number of young people who are also successfully in relationships with ME - one severely (a woman aged 26), one moderately (a lad aged 17). I think a lot depends on a) the person you're going out with and b) how you handle yourself despite being ill. I think the trick is to try and still add as much value to the relationship as you can despite being ill, so that it is quite evidently not all about the illness and the need for caring and adaptation.
• Hubby and I are a week away from our 14th anniversary. It isn't always easy, but it is always worth it! We laugh a lot- at ourselves, and the silly things around us- we play a lot, and we tell each other exactly how we feel. It's the only way any marriage can work, whether one of you is ill or not.
• Yes, my husband of 24 years has been my rock. He believed me, always. We were married about a year and a half when I was diagnosed. I was wallpapering and painting in our home and felt and heard a loud pop between my shoulder blades. I saw about 5 doctor's and they all said the same...that I had Fibro. I'm very thankful for my husband. He is a Godly Man. He once pulled a muscle and said to me...I now know how you feel. He was the only one that supported me when other's wouldn't.

  
  
• I got ill 3 months after meeting my now husband. We have just celebrated 2 years of marriage and 4 years of being 2gether. There have been days when I have wondered y he has stayed but it just makes us stronger!
• My other half has supported me every step of this "wonderful "condition, I couldn't have managed this past year without him xXx
• my fm slowly ended my marriage. we split up just shy of being together 8 yrs. im happy to hear many have wonderful support groups. its not easy being single mother with fm.
• Have been married 10 years and was diagnoised 4 years ago. I pretty much quit saying anything about how much pain I am in. My husband usually tells me I don't know what real pain is or if I lost weight I would feel better. It seems most people are like if you can't see it or fix it you are imagining it.
• I have an amazing understanding husband that I adore. I am a very lucky girl!
• My partner has Fibro and whilst it gets her down at times and she is in constant pain, I am just thankful for the last few years. I don't care about the bad days, I'm there for her no matter what. I fell in love with her and the Fibro is part of her. I only wish I could do more to ease her pain

  
  
• Ashley I'm in same so can sympathy with you :) and shelley I'm sorry but your other half doesn't seem very nice or supportive, but I know what that's like too :( I'v had fibro+lots other problems for over 30 years and totally disabled now, but in all honesty sometimes it's just better n less stressful to go through it all alone 

  
  
• Total admiration for you craig! That's how it should be, she's a very lucky lady! :)

  
  
• My husband married me knowing I had fibro. He is more than supportive He is forever reminding me not to over do and to get my rest. He does most of the household chores. When he is out of town for work he is always asking how I'm feeling and if I'm eating and getting my rest. I probably would have a lot more flares than I do if it was not for his support and love.
•  it's hard for those they dont have this affliction to realize how many side effects there are and that they change everyday...so to your answer my relationship has had its up and downs, but we keep working on it..
• I already had mobility problems before we met and 6 months before we got married I was put on long term sick leave with a back problem. He has seen me through thick and thin and is my rock - so he barely batted an eyelid when I was diagnosed with the fibro' and he actively encouraged me two years ago to give up my very part time job as it was causing me so much stress and too many flare ups. We celebrated 20 years of being together back in July. I think it has always helped that his Mum was diagnosed with MS when he was a toddler so he has grown up with seeing the effects of disability as his Aunt had MS too. We do have our ups and downs like any normal couple, but we are good at working things out.
• found mine 22 year ago and he still here.
•  I've been with my husband 10 years was only diagnosed 5 years ago the FM has never been a problem my Bipolar has caused more problems but I've been quite well with that for about 2 years, I think when you find the right person they stick around no matter what x
• My ex was useless, and at the end he said "your illness had a lot to do with this" and "If I found someone else and they said they had fibro I wouldn't be with them"
  However, having this illness, allowed me to see what an absolute c**k he really was, I knew he struggled with sympathy at the best of times, but he was just plain horrid. When I was first diagnosed and I was off work for 7 months, I'd ASK him to do some cleaning or some washing and he actually said "why should I? You're not doing it!"
  But now, well now I have THE MOST amazing man or is always supportive and sympathetic and everything you could possibly want and need!!!!
  But also, a lesson learned from my previous relationship is that, it's hard for the other person, you imagine it the other way round, your partner is ill everyday, the complain how ill they feel, they shuffle around the house, they're always in pain, they cancel plans at the last minute etc..... it does become a lot for that person to deal with day in day out. And even though,he really gets it, and doesn't care how it affects us, I still make sure that our relationship doesn't always revolved around fibro, and to be honest I don't want fibro to rule our lives.
•  I've been suffering with fibro for 5 years now but I have only just been officially diagnosed. My partner of 4 and a half years has known that I am ill all the time we have been together and understands that there is nothing that can be done about it but he is pleased that I have finally got the official YES he can get teachy at times with me but I can totally understand as he is also suffering from a painful illness (arthritis) so when I'm having a bad flare up and my OH has to do the housework or go shopping because I'm not able to he can get annoyed sometimes as he's also in pain but all in all he's really supportive