Question from a member: How can I best support someone close to me that's been diagnosed with FM?

*Be there for them as someone who will listen. Provide opportunities for that to happen by offering to cook dinner or something nice like that, that feels impossible to do when upset and in pain! But don't push wanting to do too many things, because that could make them feel bad about not being able to do things themselves.

*Support, understand don't criticise help out when needed but don't take over.

*Not just to listen but hear what they say, patience, empathy & not to say they understand, but most of all love them.

*When the person becomes angry and depressed give a gentle hug its not them its the pain from the Fibromyalgia.

*To be there for them when they need you to help them out and also support them too, and just help them to do things that they are able to do as well as those that they can't do any more.

*Person above said just about what I was thinking. I have several pain conditions and I am married, all I ever really want is to be understood and not feel like I am letting him down when I am not up to doing everything he wants!

*Learn about Fibro, try to understand. Be there if they need you.

*After the initial shock, sourcing practical help. Maybe sourcing help from School nurses and Young Carers if they have children, benefits to help pay for domestic help etc. Professional emotional support. There is help out there but it's not always obvious to know where to get it from. Finding positive things for the future to do together.

*Look after yourself. It's really hard when you're watching someone you love go through hell, but if you don't take time out of caring to do nice things for yourself (even if your loved-one can't do them with you) you will eventually resent them, and be unable to be sympathetic and supportive when it's most needed.

*Allow them to be tired and in pain. Eliminate the guilt or at least diminish it. The best support for me was finding someone who understood that just because I look ok, doesn't mean I can get up and do the laundry, or wash the dishes.
Let that person have their bad days, pamper and let them know that you understand their pain is real and its OK to play hooky from the world when they need to. Help them to enjoy their rest instead of feeling bad about it. Rent a movie, get some take out.

*Buy them a comfy, fuzzy bathrobe they will love to snuggle up in.

*I would say be understanding. Even with my diagnoses, I feel when I am not feeling well or am sick that I have to PROVE it to the people around me. It probably comes from the fact that people never believed me growing up when I said I was hurting or sick.

*My hubby suffers from FM. I know there isn't much I can do when he is having a flair up, but I let him know that I don't think its all in his head and comfort him the best I can.

*I so relate to your statement. They still do not believe. I can see it in their eyes. If they walked in our bodies for just 24 hours they would run to a Dr, begging for narcotics. They could not handle it yet we are expected to work just as hard as normal people.
Getting disability is another major hurdle. My husband got gout in his ankle and now he has some idea what it is like to have incredible pain out of the blue.
We have it all the time. Sometimes We stumble, can't walk, can't stand but who cares? No-one! They think we are putting it on for pity. If I had my choice I would NEVER leave the house.

*Just believe them when they say they are exhausted and sore as many don't believe that Fibro exists, but it does as we all know that. Just be a good friend and accept your pal each day as she is.

*Having a big flare up this week and the nausea is just bad, carrying the "bucket" around with me. I was doing ok and then I felt it coming on. I got through Easter but this week is not good. my back is burning and even the bottom of my feet hurt.

*I would say ALL of the above n below. but you took the words out of my mouth, having someone who understands what its like to have a Silent Illness is invaluable. And you're right, we need the understanding that sometimes we need to play hooky from the world and know that's OK. But always lots of love and loads of gentle cuddles.

*I just want to say, thanks so much for asking! The fact that you want to know is a wonderful start!

*I think just be understanding, don't go on about it, don't try and smother her with help. Sometimes she will need to say "no" to you, or cancel unexpectedly. That's always a difficult one, but as I said, just be understanding and don't take offence.

*I understand you completely! I too had a difficult time growing up the same as you, why wasn't I believed? If I got upset and cried then I was definitely disbelieved! Strange! So I am always trying to PROVE when I'm having a flare up!

*What I always wanted most, was for my family & friends to actually "know" something about it without my having to tell them. When I have to cancel at the last minute because of pain, be understanding & not hateful to me. That only makes it worse. Learn as much as you can.

*Mine didn't have a clue and didn't want to seem to read about it to help! I left as it was too much for me!

*Same here, my kids know I got fibro and boyfriend, but they don't help me, they think I'm moaning all the time and all I want them to do is just help me a bit. Not look at me when I say I'm in pain and cant do it.

Partners and family don't know how to deal with a Fibromyalgia sufferer. They see you as looking healthy. They don't know you are trapped in a body, full of pain. I can't do the things I used to. I feel bad saying how ill I feel all the time.

*If you can't hire me a maid then, be one when I'm in a flare.

*Be patient and don't put any pressure on the person with FM. pre-empt what needs doing and do it. the less stress a person with FM has to live with, the better the quality of life will be. good luck.

*Just believe them when they say they can't do something, or when they say they're too sore/tired: help out without having to be nagged into it and don't abandon them because they're no fun any more.

*Do things for them. Chores, cooking, anything to help them out. We are so fatigued most the time those things don't get done. For instance, I haven't vacuumed my floor downstairs and my bedroom for a month.
My dog's fur is all over it. It is nasty. I know I can only do one thing in a day and I am exhausted. I can choose either to cook or go for a walk. I cant' do both.
Try to imagine how much it hurts. How it has taken their life away from them. How depressing that would be for them and how they hate to even get out of bed most days. And how it would feel to want to die cause the pain most days is unbearable. I have lost all my friends, (so called friends), except for one because I can't keep up with them.

*Most of all, take time to read and learn about FM. My father refuses to do so. He does know I hurt and am exhausted most the time. But he does not read and learn about Fibromyalgia.

*Listen and don't imply that it is in their head or that if they just try this or that they will get better. those of us with fibro have tried lots of things to see what works for us.

*Read up on Fibromyalgia, ask questions, try and be patient and understanding - even if you can't understand and THEY don't understand what's happening.
If they say that they can't do something, they probably can't - don't push them. Maybe help take them to their doctor's appointments - come and be supportive. If they need you to stay in the doctor's office with them.

*Listen when they are in pain and try to put yourself in their position and don't judge them and most of all be understanding.

*Treat them the way you were or would want to be treated, with love, understanding, guidance, support, never pity there is no power in pity just compassion.
Pass on information you have and learn together anything new. Gentle hugs to all.

*Believe what they say about how they feel regardless of how unlikely it sounds. It IS the truth.